Book Review: "I Wished" by Dennis Cooper

I have to tell you about this: I walked into the bookshop and sat down with the first book I found, it was titled I Wished by Dennis Cooper and told the story of George Miles - the addiction, the love, the rock and roll and everything in between. You guys know how much I adore the literature of the 2SLGBTQIA++ community and well, this is no exception. I Wished is a severely emotional, heartbreaking stream-of-consciousness narrative that I have no idea why more people haven't read. Queer Lit, Manchester - I love you for without you I would never have found this beautiful and earth-shattering novella.

George Miles proves to be a complex figure to the writer, each chapter seems to begin with an observation. Whether that observation be something about Miles himself as a character, or something to do with his relation to Santa Claus (yes, you read that correctly), the author tunes us into a different aspect of his life with each and every chapter. For example: in one of the chapters we get George Miles thinking about becoming a musician at the same time in the same chapter, we get the fact that he witnessed something horrific as a child (I'm going to keep that from you). The nonlinear narrative gives us these little vignettes where it doesn't tell us 'hey put these pieces together to make a complete portrait' instead it says 'here are some pieces that may, or may not fit together'. Either way, George Miles is quite a complex figure all the same - even without the trauma of the past.

Another thing that this book offers us is some of the most poetic writing in a stream-of-consciousness I have witnessed in a very long time. Complete paragraphs have these strange poetic atmospheres to them, they exist both with and without character. There are side-glances by the author has he attempts to philosophise this life that is George Miles. And, as he falls deeper in love with this character, we are left to witness the opening up, the tearing of the soul, the living, beating heart that is this couple who are simply attempting to exist in a world that has made their positions very clear. Threateningly so. I loved the writing in this book. The philosophies from the Oedipal to the Foucaultian, the little thought tunnels that the author takes us on are more than just comments on the time, but they are actually relative to the story as well.

Themes of suicide and addiction litter the book. There's a lot of sadness, it's often something that feels empty but there's so much emotion going on that it overwhelms the reader. You can almost breathe in the whole book if you wanted to. I read it in one sitting and there's just so much to digest that often, I felt myself stop reading just to inhale deeply. The words, the atmosphere, the themes, the ideas and the philosophies. The character of George Miles is someone who the reader may not relate to but can definitely project their deepest desires and fears on. The more we know about him (his past, his family and his growth) the less we actually know (his psyche, his emotional state, his reasons). I'm being purposefully vague because I don't want to give it away. I desperately need you to feel this for yourself. Once you start reading it, you won't be able to put it down.

It feels like what would've happened if Evelyn Waugh and Virginia Woolf had a kid and it happened to be a cross between Derek Jarman and Bret Easton Ellis. I hope that makes sense to you.

The book was extremely emotional. I don't know what else to say. I almost cried by the end of the thing and I never really cry at books. I was often left wondering why I had never heard of this book until I lifted it off the shelf. But if this teaches you anything it is to give these books chances. Go into a bookstore and don't have anything in mind of what you are looking for. Just pick something and go with it. You might just discover your next great read of the season.