Do Blondes Really Have More Fun?

He just needed some time alone. Or at least, that's what he told me. And like an idiot, I believed him. But that's what you do when you've fallen so completely head over heels for someone. You try so desperately to see past all the warning signs and convince yourself that what he's telling you is true, that he does just need some time. That he is just going through something that he needs space to deal with. I mean, I feel like the words 'compulsive liar' might be a bit harsh but yet here we are.

I've been through my fair share of break ups in the past, but none hurt quite as much as this. Having someone you love and care about more than anything, turn around one day and be so cold and cruel to you, like you meant next to nothing to them. Talking about kids and moving in, building a life and a future together. Making all these plans just to have them thrown back in my face without any warning. Needless to say, this particular heartbreak threatened to ruin me and in typical 'me' fashion, I knew it was time for a change.

Going For Gold(en)

I'd dabbled with the idea of going blonde for several years, but most of the time it was only ever a brief moment of mad thought which dissipated pretty quickly. Being a natural brunette, I always thought it was far too drastic of a change. No one would've ever thought that it would suit me, as my dark hair and pale complexion just didn't seem to cater for it at all. However, drastic times called for drastic measures.

I've been purple, red, black, dip dyed green and I've had the majority of my hair chopped off (never again). You see, it's kinda my thing. When I go through a break up, the hair has to change. Some people might get a new piercing or a tattoo, however I've never been one for anything too permanent. I get bored very easily, so being able to change my hair at will is very important for me. Simply put, it's a bit of a control thing. A decision which is mine, truly and completely. An outcome which I have power over, as opposed to the outcome of my relationship which I just couldn't control. It may sound stupid to some, but while I'm in that chair having my hair washed, cut and dyed, that is one of the only times when I am the master of my own fate (not to sound too over the top or anything). In a way, changing my hair also represents a new chapter in my life and how things need to change from that point onwards. I remember how a few years ago, I cut my hair short because that particular ex at the time used to say how much he liked my long hair. So when he was eventually revealed as the douchebag he was (and still probably is) the hair had to go. And trust me, I loved my long hair, but every time I caught a glimpse of it in the mirror, he was all I could think about and I needed that not to be the case for my own sanity. Similarly to my more current situation, I needed to distance myself from everything that I was while I was with this guy. And that started with how I looked.

A Whirlwind Year

Amazingly I didn't hesitate before making the decision to go blonde. But then again, I wasn't exactly making many great decisions post break-up. I was pretty numb to everything at that point, changing my hair felt like nothing. They say that you can't really remember pain after it's happened, but the pain I went through back then, I still feel it every now and then. Like a bad meal repeating on me, that's how I know it was real. Even writing about it now I still feel a slight lump in my throat, and it's almost been a year.

I wouldn't necessarily say blondes do have more fun, but then again I might be slightly biased due to the sheer amount of hell I was going through at the time. No room for much fun, just a lot of alcohol and poor decisions. I never in a million years thought that my hair would be the start of not just a new chapter in my life but such a series of drastic and dramatic changes as well. Not only did I finally make my way out of a dead end job that had been sucking the life out of me for over 3 years, but my break up and hair transformation were followed shortly by the start of the Covid-19 outbreak. Although due to my increasingly sour mood as a result of everything that had happened to me, I was already a bit of a recluse, so lucky for me the lockdown didn't hit me too hard. The only thing I really struggled with was that my grandad had fallen very ill and passed away several weeks later, so I was not able to say a proper goodbye due to the restrictions put in place. At that point, I was feeling like it was just one thing after the other. My life was a complete whirlwind and there was still more to come. You honestly couldn't make this stuff up.

Making The Best Out of a Bad Situation

So there I was, still reeling from my nightmare break up, representing my brand new hair style and I found myself sitting in my bathroom staring down at those 2 pink lines. I hope I don't have to spell if out for you but my year was about to get significantly more complicated. Like I said, you honestly couldn't make this stuff up if you tried. As someone who had never pictured myself with kids, I was all of a sudden presented with one of the biggest decisions I would ever make in my life. I had lived a very particular lifestyle up until this point, and the majority of people I spoke to, people who thought that they knew me, just couldn't see me having this baby. So when I finally decided I was going to have it, I lost a lot of friends who couldn't completely come to terms with the decision I had made. But I am thankful, cause the whole experience has shown me who my real friends are, and the kind of people I want to surround myself with.

As someone who doesn't deal with change particularly well, going from a hair transformation, to a worldwide outbreak, and then a pregnancy; my head was positively spinning. This year has been unsettling, confusing and downright depressing for a lot of people across the world, but here I was, being forced to come to terms with what decisions had led me up to this point. There was no going back now, no changing the past. This was to be my life now, and I was determined to embrace it.

Hope For the Future

I can't say that changing my hair was the ultimate cause of any of these events unfolding within my life. However, this particular change was the start of plenty of new and exciting chapters. Despite all the bad that has happened, not just to me but within the world as well, I don't think I would change a thing, cause I have honestly (as cliche as it sounds) learnt a lot from my experiences. Looking back on my life a year ago before I went blonde, I was a completely different person and honestly was in such a low place I didn't know if I would even make it to this point. But I'm happy to say that life wasn't ready to give up on me quite yet and despite the shock and spontaneity of everything that has happened to me since, I honestly couldn't be happier with the way things have turned out for me and my little boy.