How I Ruined Christmas

To the love of my life,

I’m unfortunately unable to marry you. As I have had something that I needed to confess for the past six months. That I have done something so vile and so disgusting that I cannot say it to your face. Writing it out for you is one of the most difficult things I have done in the past three years we’ve known each other. Leaving it on your pillow in the hopes that you’ll see it after I don’t come to the altar.

I have lied about who I am. And I have lied because I was deeply ashamed of my entire past as well.

It’s so difficult for me to tell you the truth about it. To say what I need to say about who I am and why I’m like this. What I need to tell you is of the utmost importance. It has already changed our lives for the worst my love.

Do you remember the last time we were at my parents’ place? Christmas Eve if I remembered it right. Oh, what a night that had been for us and the rest of my wonderful family. The presents that we all shared together. My sister’s gift to you. That hilarious sweater she made for you. Which was the only present you were allowed to open that night. And those wonderful sunglasses that you gave me. I still have them right now beside me on the nightstand.

In the crappy hotel room that I had gotten. Which feels way more disgusting without you beside me.

Anyways. We all sat together at the dining room table. You were so sweet to my mother and helped her dish things out. She appreciated the help you gave. So did my sister. That meant she didn’t have to do that much to help. Something that I have always found annoying when she does that. But that night I ignored it to keep the peace and make my mother happy. After all, the holidays are meant to be peaceful instead of chaotic. Well. I want to make sure that it’s peaceful rather than chaotic. And I was just grateful that you were so kind to my mother at all. My mother was also grateful for it. Along with my father and of course my lazy sister.

You were so beautiful the entire night. Wearing that ugly sweater that lit up every time you pressed a button on it. And I enjoyed Santa showing his butt with little lights on each cheek. It was one of the most hilarious things that I had seen in a long time. Way funnier than the Rudolph sweater that I had gotten. If only the damn light for the nose hadn’t broken sometime last year.

Then we would go well together.

I probably should stop rambling my love. But it’s hard to tell you what I had done that is so inexcusably evil. So vile. So hurtful. So, God awful that it still fills me with shame from that night that I did. But blame it on you. With all my family believing me that it was you that did it and not me. That horrible smell…well, I shouldn’t entirely say it right yet. Do you remember when we all sat down in front of the T.V to watch ‘Lampoon’s Christmas’ together? With that hot chocolate that you made with my mother. Those gingerbread cookies, sugar cookies, and homemade chocolate pretzels that you spent so long upon.

I love them so much. But I’ll never get to eat them again, I fear. After what I had done I do not deserve them.

While we were sitting in the living room together. My parents are on the couch cuddling together. Little sister sat on the armchair while we both sat on the floor. There had been this rancid smell that just popped up out of nowhere, right? One that smelled like rotten eggs that you knew you didn’t do. But I insisted it had been you to everyone else. No one was entirely outwardly mad, but mother lit a gingerbread candle. You looked so embarrassed by that, and I felt like a jerk.

It had been me. I got into the eggnog and I farted. I farted and I ruined Christmas and I blamed it on you! I am so sorry for doing this to you, my love! For that! I cannot marry you!

Farewell,

Your doting fiancé.