If Only I Could Tell You

I don’t understand why people communicate so poorly

And can’t say what they mean

How we keep asking “what do you think?”

And “is that okay with you?”

And “if it’s not a bother…”

If I had a thought

An objection

Or a grievance

Then I would just say so

It’s that simple

But no

We need to play this back and forth game of decorum and social niceties

As if we’re not swearing like sailors in our heads the whole time

And wishing that the conversation was over so we could move on with our lives

But no

I need to be diplomatic, patient, polite

Because god forbid I come off rude

I hate that word

You haven’t seen me rude

Angry

Ready to scream “leave me alone”

But no

I keep it in

Feel the pressure build in my temples and back molars as I tightly squeeze my autistic outburst until

People move on

Or I cry

It’s hard (and common) for both to happen at the same time

So I mask it

Feel the cavities from the energy drinks that calm me down to everyone else’s level

As I grind my teeth and try to breathe

Because all I wanted to know was the damn time to meet up

But no

No one can ever give a straightforward answer

Because society’s got a thing for this terrible tango of miscommunication

And trying to be nice and “considerate”

Well consider this

You’ve sucked out all the desire of participating in the “maybes” and “if you’d likes”

Call me if you’ve got a damn date

And then we’ll see if I consider showing up or not

That’s my choice

And don’t worry, I can damn well make it