Pouring Out

I don’t know what’s wrong

With me today.

My heart is anxious,

Heavy in my chest.

I have the urge to flee

As if my system is in the fight or flight mode.

I don’t understand why

It’s so hard to calm my mind

So hard to calm my thoughts.

I don’t want to stay in this place

I don’t want to die

I want to escape

I need to get out of this dark place.

I feel stressed,

Angered,

Saddened.

I’m like a mental roller coaster

That’s about to derail

And fly off the tracks.

I don’t understand why everything is a challenge,

Why everything is a struggle.

I don’t know how to live by myself

I don’t know how to be alone

And be okay.

I thought I’d have the fairytale love

I thought I’d be happy

And yet,

Here I sit.

Pouring my heart out to you,

Which is okay.

At least you give me an outlet

A resource to let it all out on the line

Air out the conflicts on my heart.

But when will it be my turn.

Will this struggle ever turn into something better

A situation

A scenario to be proud of?

When?