Healing from a Breakup Series. Tools for Healing: Psychotherapy

Understanding your inner world and rebuilding through guided reflection

By Cyn MárquezPublished about 6 hours ago • 3 min read

Healing from a Breakup Series. Tools for Healing: Psychotherapy

Photo by Leuchtturm Entertainment on Unsplash

Psychotherapy is also a powerful tool, but it’s not for everyone. For it to be effective, a certain level of self-awareness is required, along with finding a truly skilled therapist—which is becoming increasingly difficult.

When it comes to choosing the right therapist, there is no one-size-fits-all solution. Every person is different. What works for one individual may not work for another. Our needs, mental frameworks, backgrounds, and cultures all shape what kind of support will be most effective.

I first tried psychotherapy many years ago to address family issues, and it worked. My therapist was one in a million. He was also a Buddhist and incorporated meditation as one of many tools to help his patients. Over time, he became a mentor—and, in many ways, a father figure. He taught me how to face suffering and work through anger using the power of self-awareness. He never took himself too seriously and had a great sense of humor, which I deeply appreciated.

Unfortunately, he passed away in 2017. Every crisis that followed, I had to face using the tools he had given me.

But this breakup was different. It was long-distance and shaped by many of the worst aspects of modern dating: gaslighting, mixed signals, ghosting, and a lack of real closure. It all unfolded in the digital space—where I also have to show up and perform daily, for many hours—while I was still married. I never imagined I would experience something like this in my forties, after years of a happy marriage, only to find myself filled with resentment toward my husband, blaming him for what happened and unable to take responsibility for my own actions.

It was overwhelming. I felt like I was on the verge of losing my mind—a full-blown mental health crisis.

I desperately needed help, so I began searching for a therapist. I tried three different therapists before finding the one who could truly help me. It wasn’t easy. The stakes felt incredibly high for three reasons:

1. I had never felt this bad before.

2. Replacing my former therapist felt almost impossible.

3. My mental state was fragile, making it difficult to think clearly or objectively.

I eventually found my therapist through an Argentinian psychology podcast. Argentina has one of the highest numbers of therapists in the world and takes mental health very seriously. The podcast was so insightful that I decided to try their service—and it turned out to be the right decision. I’d like to take this opportunity to thank Florencia for her support.

Therapy is serious work. You are trusting someone with your inner world—your thoughts, your emotions, your vulnerabilities—without filters. That’s why choosing the right therapist matters. Some therapists can do more harm than good, and many people are not fully aware of this.

If you are considering therapy, understand that it may take meeting with more than one therapist before finding the right fit. That is completely normal. After doing my own research, I created this checklist to help evaluate whether a therapist is right for me. You can use it as-is or adapt it to your own needs and personality.