The Only Son

The Only Son

I find it sad that a little boy who was taught to do everything by his parents words and allow them to make decisions for him till 3rd semester of senior decides to be strong and nice for those around him he isn't really good at making decisions on his own now but he is very nice to those around him he has 2 sisters a older one and a younger one he loves both of them dearly and he's really close to the younger one their practically besties but time comes for this boy to graduate except he doesn't know what to do after graduation he doesn't know what comes next his mother and father didn't make decisions for him up till now... the father says something along the lines "you're Man now you figure it out" the mother she doesn't say anything but her smile is the type of smile that says "she trusts you to figure it out."

That same boy goes to a community College for graphic design, except graphic design wasn't his major, it was more of a fun hobby he doesn't like that it feels exhausting to do the thing that he used to love... what does he do now.. he drops out and works for the same father that told him that he'll figure it out. Although he never figured it out, he gained no knowledge from his experience in college. He just went to feel like he was doing something with his life, but he knew... He knew that there was nothing to gain from going to college for a little hobby like graphic design... by then, he never figured it out, whatever it is he's supposed to figure out.

The boy never really could make decisions for himself, thanks to his parents making them for him, then leaving him to make them on his own by the age of 19... The boy finally comes up with a decision on his own, and he thinks this decision is the best he has ever had... It's the only one he ever had... His decision was to die because dying is the only route left for him. He concluded that he had finished life... it was supposed to end after that high school graduation... The thought of death was the only thing that made him truly happy…

But what about his friends, the ones he was so nice to... what about his sister and his youngest sister, who was so close to him and practically best friends, will they miss him? He couldn't bear the thought of scaring his sisters like that, except he came to another thought, one that many have unfortunately come to... "Maybe they'll be better off without me." Well, that certainly is not true, right? The boy doesn't know what the others would think and doesn't even think what they would think of this horrid idea of ending things... he doesn't ask what they'll think cause this thought of ending things is the only comfort he has in years…

He doesn't want to labeled as the failure Son or he doesn't want to be known as the boy who couldn't make a living for himself in better word He doesn't want to know at all he wants to disappear from everyone and everything he's doesn't want to be someone's memory child friend brother and someone who doesn't exist he wishes he was never created he doesn't want to be someone God could judge on judgement day he just wants to be... “Nothing”... He prays to God, asking to be erased from existence where his family never had a son, just two beautiful,l successful daughters. Not a son who does nothing with life. I mean, for crying out loud, who would want a son that's useless and just lounges around all the time? That sounds pathetic, doesn't it? No family should be burdened with that, especially not his.

He secretly cries in a room in anger and disgust at himself, knowing that his prayer never came to be... he's still here... Existing, what a shame, what does he do now? He goes back to his original plan, which is to end things. Every night now at 1 in the morning, after he checks if his family is sleeping, he takes a pocket knife that his father gave to him and cuts himself with it, hoping that he'll eventually bleed to death. Never works, he decided to fully commit to the suicide gambit and attempt five times, but it never worked. He was exhausted, wondering why nothing worked.

By now, the boy has lost the spark in his eye. Every decision he makes, his brain tells him death. For example, a friend might talk to him and say something along the lines of "hey, what's something you want to do with your life?" His immediate thought is die... the few to little hobbies the boy used to have doesn't bring him joy anymore it nothing does gaming art cooking walking or even talking to his little sister doesn't bring him happiness... he starts to wonder if anyone else can sense this raging negative presence on him but to avoid that he forced a smile and laugh at unfunny jokes to seem... "Normal" cause even though he wants to die, he still doesn't want to be someone else's cause of worry.

A year and several months may have passed, and the boy is close to the age of twenty while still having no life and still depressed. What will the boy wish for his twentieth when it's time to blow out his candles... Death.