Time for a Change?

How are you feeling at the moment? Is life treating you well or are you fighting to stay afloat every single day?

Take a break when life becomes "too much."

Most people get completely absorbed in their normal busy schedules and often forget how important it is for our bodies and minds to rest, recover, and recharge. 

I call it the three R's. (Rest, Recover and Recharge)

These are three little words that should mean take place often in our busy lives. In reality, they have almost no place in our packed schedules. Life should come first, but our relentless deadlines and commitments take over everything. 

We over-ride our basic instinct to rest, recover and recharge.

Sadly, this is how we live in our information hungry society. Everything happens instantly. Phones ring off the hook, meetings take place 24/7, deliveries are constantly arriving at our doorsteps, and our kids go to school where they barely get time for recess. 

What happened to us to make our world so busy that we forgot about our basic needs?

In most professions, we have to turn up to work even when we are sick because to take time off is not a luxury we have. It's just not done. 

So, we turn up to work despite being sick, and infect everyone else and the cycle carries on. 

This is not good for us in the long run and yet we still do it. But at what cost? How much are we risking our health when we don't allow ourselves to rest?

Life is busy in the 21st century, but it wasn't always like that.

Years ago, our societies were paced much slower. Before the internet, cell phones, and fast food, we relied on "snail mail" and landlines to communicate. We ate home-cooked meals because there were no fast food restaurants, or families could not afford to eat out.

Deliveries could take weeks to arrive, and we had to delay our expectations of instant gratification. 

These times are now a vague memory for many people, and I count myself in this category. I can barely remember life before the internet and cell phones.

It's only when our bodies scream for us to relax and we get so sick that we have to stop and listen. 

We need to take better care of ourselves.

As a survivor of child abuse and trauma, I'm the last person to think about myself first. I know I am not alone because it's a common defence mechanism after being traumatized. 

Are you a survivor like me? Have you ever felt overwhelmed by life after a flashback? Or, a stressful situation? Why don't you try to take a mini vacation away from it all for a few days?

Whatever you do after a traumatic memory, make sure you take good care of yourself. You are unique, and you matter.

Triggers evoke deep emotions from the past

The physical pain from abuse goes away with time, but the emotional scars come back as vivid flashbacks whenever life throws us a curveball from a trigger.

Triggers can happen anytime and anywhere, and no matter how hard trauma survivors try to escape them, they keep happening.

Triggers often happen through our senses. It can be a smell that takes us back to a painful memory, a song on the radio triggering an event that happened, or a word that triggers us to tense up. It could be a specific tone of voice or an accent that suddenly hits home. 

When a trigger hits, a survivor instantly want to fight, escape, go limp or do anything to make the feeling stop. Psychologists call this a fight / flight/ fawn and flop response to a trigger. 

There are many articles, and other literature on how to deal with trauma triggers. I have written about triggers several times. Here are three of my articles: 

What are Trauma Triggers?

https://medium.com/illumination/what-are-trauma-triggers-7203685554c9

Everyday Triggers

https://medium.com/illumination/everyday-triggers-6cbf88c3229a

How To Explain Trauma Triggers

https://medium.com/illumination/how-to-explain-trauma-triggers-5287c95ecfbf

At times, life can become overwhelming for anyone. For a trauma survivor this can happen quickly through a small trigger which can turn into a massive flashback. Most of the time, we can shrug those flashbacks away with tools and techniques.

Sometimes, a small trigger can turn into an emotional shutdown, where the trigger is so overwhelming that all you feel is terror and darkness.

Living in a state of full alert due to horrific flashbacks is exhausting. Eventually, the body follows the mind by breaking down. Trauma memories are not just in the brain but all over the body.

If you have read Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk's book The Body Keeps the Score, you will know that trauma is not just in the brain. Memories exist in the whole body, in every cell, follicle, organ, and muscle. This is why a survivor might suffer longer from sickness than others.

When the mind is experiencing an emotional shutdown, the body will also sometimes shut down to protect itself.

Have you ever had a flashback and then gotten a migraine afterward? Or maybe you suffer from stomach pains?

Maybe you have this unexplainable pain somewhere in your body that comes and goes for no reason?

As a survivor of sexual abuse and trauma, I can give you an example:

I have these intermittent phantom pains in my wrists. My body is remembering the trauma from when I was handcuffed, and gang raped as a young child.

Even though the trauma happened several decades ago, I still have to tell myself that the pain I'm feeling is not happening right now. I remind myself that the pain was real a long time ago and by acknowledging it, I retrain my brain to comprehend it from an adult perspective.

It's not a healed memory despite years of therapy. The trauma is simply too horrific.

For someone who has never been traumatized, I can compare this state with how the body deals with extreme stress. Most adults understand what it feels like to be stressed, or in a stressful situation. 

Coming "back" to the present moment after a flashback is a bit like the aftermath of a highly stressful situation. It can feel like you have run a marathon inside your head. It is exhausting.

Most of my friends only know the adult me, and have no idea what I have been through in my past. Having been abused, and sharing that with someone, takes a lot of trust. It isn't exactly dinner conversation.

Last year, I had an epic flashback, which caught me completely unprepared. Over a few days, it evolved into complete emotional and physical chaos, and I felt awful.

My body was telling me to slow down and "face the music, aka my feelings." I did the worst I could do, thinking I could just ignore them by doing some breathing and grounding exercises.

I was busy, and I chose to "wing it" through the day. The trauma memory kept getting stronger and stronger. I carried on with work and being "mom" at my usual hectic pace of being everywhere for everyone else but myself.

It didn't work.

My mood changed during the days, and nightmares terrorized me every night. I became physically sick, and lost my voice. Every cell in my body was telling me to stop. 

I had to listen to myself and face the inevitable. Therapy was impossible because I couldn't speak, and I was too sick to process anything. Life had become overwhelming, and I was stuck in an emotional and physical shutdown.

I stopped and I listened to my body. After a few days of rest, my voice came back, and I stopped being sick. My pounding headache became more of a gentle throb as my temperature subsided and I could breathe better. The huge weight in my throat was easing. I went back to my therapist for professional help, but even the sessions were not enough.

I was still not feeling like myself.

My husband booked a resort getaway for a few nights, and it was just what I needed to get my equilibrium back. I had never been to a spa resort before, and I didn't know what to expect. I have a very complicated relationship with water due to trauma. 

If you have read my memoir: The Sex-Offender's Daughter, (available on Amazon.com), you will know that it was this very trauma that got me into the emotional shutdown to begin with.

Dark flowing river water terrifies me, but clean pool water has become my sanctuary. I have learned to relax in a swimming pool. The solitude and mechanism that swimming brings have helped me relax and overcome flashbacks in the past.

My husband took a gamble that I would enjoy a getaway, and it paid off. Without having to take care of everyone around me and just focus on myself, I could rest, recover, and recharge.

I managed to work on all the "R's," and I started feeling much better. The restoring effect of the water jets on my body in the spa went a long way to heal my aching muscles. The eucalyptus steam room helped my breathing and eased my throat, nursing my voice back with its gentle and healing aroma. I was starting to get my equilibrium back.

As my body healed, my mind followed. We used the sports amenities and went for long hikes on the trails offered by the resort. It was bliss and just the mini vacation I needed. By taking a break from everything, I was able to think clearly again and get perspective on my feelings.

If you are feeling stressed and overwhelmed by life, try a mini-break. 

My name is Lizzy. I'm a trauma survivor, a wife, a mom, a teacher and an author.

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For more about me: www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

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