Leave The Light On

Did the light turn off?

Are you searching for me?

Is the light burning out?

Do you still think about me and how I use to sing to you?

You were once so little. Breathing and making sounds in my arms was like music to my heart. You tiny as can be, but you belonged to me.

Taking you to daycare each day made me cry because I didn’t want to part. Your blankie in tow and tears down your face, you must have felt like I was leaving you alone, but I was just counting the seconds until it was time to pick you up.

I watched you crawl, climb and play. Making sure I was near by, so I’d catch you if you’d fall. With each passing day, I fell more and more in love with the gift God gave me. The gift of you.

As time grew on, I know life changed. You didn’t spit and drool. You spoke and responded to me with your child like words and wonder.

You were no longer my little bunny, but my little boy now. Learning about the world and wanting to spread love and laughter.

And without any warning.. you were taken and our life changed. I no longer woke up next to you, or felt your little hands on my face.

You spoke of another man who was trying to take my place. And my heart couldn’t handle it.

It seemed as though I only caught glimpses of you growing up. But in reality, I was there the whole time.

I prayed day and night for God to keep his guardian angels with you so that I knew you were safe.

I wrote you letters to tell you about how much I loved you.

I wrote your name on walls and books to always remind me of the one thing I did right with my life.

Your daddy isn’t a perfect man. But he’s trying to help you understand just how much he loves you. Now and forever.

I can’t fix the past and memories I wish we could get back. So I live with you on my mind everyday. Hoping you feel the same.

though we are hundreds of miles apart, my soul floods with love, even if it’s quiet and there’s nothing to say.

You use to say you love me to the moon and back, causing my heart to leap out.

But now it’s seems your light is dimming. Do you still miss me, my son? Just say the words and show me your love. Draw me a map and show me the route.

I am growing older each day, and I hope you are growing up to the be man I’ve always told you to be.

Because at the end of the day, you’re special and loved by everyone who meets you. Most expecially..me

I know you must feel some sort of way. Unsure of tomorrow, maybe it’s today. No matter what, I’m your daddy, who’s always loved you, and your daddy I’ll stay.

From sneaking next to your crib at night to hear you breathe or watch you wake up. My heart has always been close to yours. And forever it will remain.

Lately when we talk on the phone, I imagine you next to me, laughing and smiling, because you know you’re near. And although you aren’t in my arms right now, it will be soon enough that your hand will be in mine.

So leave the light on for your daddy. He’s trying to find his way back to you.

Don’t you worry my son.

I pray for the day that it will be just us two.