Satire

How to Answer An Omen
In truth, Clarissa hadn’t really been in the mood for Chinese food anyway, which was unusual in itself because she loved Chinese food. When she was just eight years old, she used to beg her mom to take her to the Dragon Dumplings restaurant by leaving its menus in conspicuous locations. But in spite of her reluctance, they pulled up to the restaurant with little ceremony. Clarissa’s mom had called her friend Louisa, who was already inside, waving at them through the darkly-tinted windows.
By Samantha Smithabout a year ago in Humor
Last Will and Testimony of a Threshing Floor Refresher
This is the last will and testimony of P-au...Peter St---Stawert. I swear that this is true on all good and pure, on Lady Gaga's grave and the Bible.
By Paul Stewartabout a year ago in Humor
I Went to British Heaven. Top Story - March 2025.
It caught me off guard at first, but I was reassured by the fact that, if you will forgive the phrase, [the after] life goes on. And on, and on, and on, as a matter of fact – so it’s good to make sure you’ve turned the gas off and taken your library books back.
By Ian Vinceabout a year ago in Humor
PSA: Side-effects of Novocal
I sit here with my fingers twitching. My concentration jumps from idea to idea. My gut churns. Shivers ride my spine. And friend, I must warn you. One day you will face this.
By Addison Alderabout a year ago in Humor
The On Call Ticket. Content Warning.
The ticket hit my screen with a slap. At least, I imagined it was a slap. The force of seeing it pop up there so suddenly was enough to make me visibly wince. The priority on this ticket was P1. I was just starting my day, and already a P1 was across my desk! The only higher priority was a P0. With a P1 priority, I needed to have this ticket done as soon as possible and if it escalated to a P0, I wouldn’t be able to leave the office without it being done.
By Sean M Finneyabout a year ago in Humor
Test Day
Morgan awoke on the 3rd of July feeling slightly dazed. He'd been in the middle of a wonderful dream—somebody was congratulating him with a certificate when his alarm clock rudely exploded into applause.
By Justin Keelingabout a year ago in Humor
The Adventures of Ice Cream Man
Have you ever had a lick of ice cream that changed your life?--because I have. I was walking through the park one hot, sunny day when I came across an ice cream stand. I asked the clerk for a chocolate-vanilla swirl on a Belgian waffle cone. Everything changed when I took that first tongue-full. The cold hit me with a brain freeze going eighty miles an hour. I sat down as the world around me swam.
By Callum Summersabout a year ago in Humor
Pileated
I was stuck in traffic, and I was going to be late again. I berated myself for not leaving earlier. Staring ahead, I could only see miles of vehicles. Changing the radio to AM 2375 to listen to the traffic report, I began impatiently thrumming my fingers on the steering wheel.
By Mother Combsabout a year ago in Humor
Johnny the Unlucky
Johnny wakes. There's a kink in his neck. It hurts like a bitch. He winces, stretching doesn't help. But he has to move his ass.
By Sam Spinelliabout a year ago in Humor
I Will Fix Everything
Thank you for coming today. It’s great to see all you guys in press pool. Even you, Tucker. How’s your head from last night? Too much of the good stuff, huh? I have some very important news about policies that we’ll be implementing. But first, I will confirm that I will not be seeking a fourth term. I know, I know, we’ve had a wonderful time these past eight years but, to be honest, I know I’m getting older and I don’t get to golf nearly as much as I would like. No one thought I would get a third term, kept saying it was unconstitutional, well we showed them. Just like with that birthright citizenship thing. Never should have been in there, don’t know what those guys were thinking or drinking. You know what I mean? Anyway. I know that I’ll be leaving this country in good hands. Sure, sure, there’s an election later, but really, who doesn’t want four more years of this administration? And who’s going to vote against such an amazing man as our Vice President, Vladamir Putin? He was great, really helped get my agenda through this past term. Wonderful guy. JD was nice, too, but Putin really showed us what could get done. Such a patriot to take a step back from running his own country to help fix ours. And who knew that he’d been born on an American Military Base. Such an amazing story. Did you see that documentary? So real. What was that? You still want to see his birth certificate? Why would you ask that? That’s just rude. You saw the documentary. Then you know there was a fire on the base. Don’t ask stupid questions. Take that guy’s pass after this. He doesn’t need to be in the room. Anyway, the real reason I’m here is to announce a new policy that is going to revolutionize our country and finally fix our broken Social Security and Medicaid system. I am going to fix everything!
By Sean A.about a year ago in Humor
Performance . Runner-Up in Absurdist Awakening Challenge.
‘Take a seat, Mr Bellewether; I’ll be with you in a moment.’ Alan shuffles over uncertainly to his manager’s desk and pulls out a chair. In the twelve months he has worked at The Office of National Statistics, he has never been addressed by his surname. Was it a tacit admonition? Or maybe a recognition of seniority, a nod at a promotion?
By T. McCormackabout a year ago in Humor
Monty Python and the Holy Grail . Top Story - March 2025.
I woke up this morning to one and one-half hours of glorious, old-fashioned comedy sketches from Monty Python. I'm probably feeling a little too glum to write a review of it right now, so let me inform you that this review is, in fact, NOT an actual review, but an approximation of what sort of review I might write if writing a review were what I had in mind. It isn’t, and this is not, and well, I’m still here, and so are you.
By Tom Bakerabout a year ago in Humor