healing
How to heal fully and properly.
Controlling People
All my life since I was a kid,I’ve felt controlled. Whatever I thought of doing or wanted to do,fear had stopped me everytime. Like I was pushed around or kicked down,even when I had a chance at happiness when it was right in my face or in my reach. You try to do something right or try to help only to have dirt kicked in your face or spat on for even trying to do some kindness and good for others. And to feel forced to keep doing good for them knowing you’re just gonna get treated the same way and having to keep your head down or blind yourself to it....that was difficult and saddening. I was so used to hollering,screaming and name calling that sometimes I don’t know when someone is just talking to me peacefully. Or I worry if I get or do something,the hollering and screaming matches begin. Sometimes I hesitated to pick something up or make myself something to eat because I was afraid it would be a target for an argument. Let me not forget the sound of broken materials and seeing little pieces of them on the floor. The whole house would look like the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina or a tsunami and you’re always the one stuck to clean it up,which also became a problem if it wasn’t. Yeah,I know. It’s more brutal than you think it is. Try spending your childhood listening to people who don’t even love you at all calling you names you never thought you’d hear as a child,making a big deal about little pieces of garbage on the floor,or starting random arguments out of the blue just to get a rise out of it. And anything you did right,always wrong. It was always a problem,no matter what. You deal with it for so long that it’s too close for comfort. Hell is a place you call home. When you’re young,you have no choice but to come home to it. Worse about it is you can’t say anything. It’ll make it worse. Especially upon you. Oh,the pressures of all the abuse. Emotionally, physically, mentally and verbally. Almost makes you believe this Is the life you were meant for. To be stuck in this abuse cycle for the rest of your life. No hope for freedom,peace, or happiness. Just stuck being screamed at or worried for it until the life is done for. Walking on eggshells being hard to do. Tears and heartache lay in and on your beds and pillows every night. Losing sleep because of worry and fear. Can’t even sit down for a second without that becoming drama either. You dream everyday of filling the empty space in your heart with peace and happiness,the world being rainbows and butterflies when it isn’t. Seeing some families happy and smiling,enjoying their time out and about whether it’s out to eat, at a park or at an amusement park. And you look at what you go through right now thinking “why can’t I have a life like that?” Or “how come we can’t go out in public without worrying about hollering and screaming everyday?”. To have the opposite happen is an impossibility for yoy because you've dealt with it your whole life!! Being a little older now,I know that I don’t want to spend the rest of my life tolerating that kind of nonsense anymore and I don’t feel like I have to. Family member,friend,girlfriend,boyfriend,stranger. What time do I or should I have for that anymore when I can just easily walk away from it and not look back at it at all? Heck, why should I waste anytime on what I don’t have to deal with or tolerate? I don’t have to stay in the bull crap people want to pull. I don’t have to pull it along anywhere I go. I’m not going to let it chain me up or make me feel chained up. I’m not going to let it dwell on me or take over me and my life any longer. You can only take so much until you have enough and a person can and will do to you what you allow them to. But,no more. It’s my turn to call the shots now. It’s my turn to run the show. It’s my turn to say what I need to say. It’s my turn to feel free for once.
By Shania Thompson6 years ago in Motivation
Letter to my younger self...
Dear 23 year-old me, In ten years time, you won't recognize yourself or the world for reasons that are both good and bad. Reality will shift on a dime one day and everything in your world will be unstable. There are so many lessons I've had to learn the hard way. Here's some of the things I wish I wasn't so hard headed about.
By Diane Nivens6 years ago in Motivation
CHANGE
Seasons change and old leaves fall to the ground while new leaves form in multiple shades of green only to take their place. Time changes from one minute to the next leading to the progression of hours which turn into days which turn into weeks then months and so on and so on. Life changes… Babies grow to become children, then develop into adolescents, maturing into young adults, etc. A simple cocoon transforms itself into a beautiful butterfly with vivid colors and intricate patterns. While a cocoon it remains, in what appears from the outside, as still while all along it was going through the stages of becoming a beautiful butterfly expanding it’s delicate wings and eventually learning how to fly. While the outcome is fruitful, the process can be complicated. Change leads to transformation and transformation leads to growth. When change occurs unexpectedly, it can feel challenging and uncomfortable at times but it leads to new experiences and opportunities that may not reveal themselves until later in time.
By Gabriela Engels6 years ago in Motivation
Legendary Poetry: Anger Mine
Anger Mine Rage. Rage against the world. Rage against society. Rage against myself and all that I have ever been or have ever known for the entirety of my soul pathetic existence. Rage against the anger that has attempted to destroy me. Yes, that is the true enemy here, anger mine which is to say the anger that is mine. Sure, I am anger but my anger is mine and mine alone. Yes, society has made me angry by how it treats it's citizens and how it treats me. I don't care much about society.
By Legend Gilchrist6 years ago in Motivation
WHY ME?
I love to write, about everything but I have never openly written about my scleroderma, lupus diagnosis. When I was diagnosed, I wanted to tell others about it to raise awareness for an underfunded disease, a disease which is not seen. I wanted people to understand but all I got were demeaning eyes, pity looks that made me crawl into a shell, where I became hostile and guarded. Guarded with my feelings, to my scars.
By Fatema Siddiki6 years ago in Motivation
The Competition
there are so many key words, sentences. some not connected jumping from one to the other in an unrested momentum. one trying to be bolder than the other, to be noticed. in between of consciousness and the dream world, the competition between them gets fiercer. so loud and clear. some shying away or being shut down. muffled and fading away in one corner.
By Jazzelle K.6 years ago in Motivation
Now Is The Time!!
The world is boiling, a boil which has hit a point of no return. For the African American, there is no return to normal, for this our society in general, there is no return to normal. What COVID-19 hasn’t ripped up, systematic racism has. It has placed us at a fork in the road, one which is exhausting, frustrating, and outright painful; while at the same time exciting, full of life, and opportunity for both change, and advancement.
By Erik DeSean Barrett6 years ago in Motivation
A Letter to the Town I Grew Up In
Small towns are the black holes that sit on Earth as we walk through life. They suck you into a mindset where having kids before 25 is required and moms fight their kids' fights against teenagers and dads are way too into the sports of a small town. Athletes are royalty to the town and the mean girls in school grow up to run a pyramid scheme of a job because they forgot what birth control is. Teachers at the school end up having generations of students in their classes and hearing the sentence “I had your mom and dad when they were high school” every year on the first day of school is nothing new. Kids who weren’t in sports or didn’t hang out with the ‘name brand’ kids were outcasts.
By Mackenzie Coberley6 years ago in Motivation
Lessons of Pandemic
When I came to realize about the Coronavirus outbreak, I thought it's just going to come to pass like all other viruses that were reported before. I didn't know much of the impact it can cost to human lives. The news of reported cases and deaths that spread throughout the world sends a frightening message to all of us. I've read the story on the internet and Facebook. Even my mom sent me information and warning videos in my messenger that made me also annoyed and telling her to stop sending me negativity. My poor mom was probably just worried about me. This outbreak had become a pandemic. Almost every country was in a state of emergency and had its citizens to panic and buy all unnecessary things for the sake of safety. It was funny as well that I brought home from work a lot of free toilet papers even before this outbreak. Luckily, I don't also have to worry about toilet papers when the outbreak emerged. I got a lot of mixed feelings when this happens, and I don't know if I have to be serious about it or heed its warnings. When I saw the rising death toll on the news, I realize the gravity of this pandemic. My country was in a state of emergency and shut down many businesses, and I got laid off from the job because of it.
By Tiger Oliver Budd6 years ago in Motivation
