coping
Life presents variables; learning how to cope in order to master, minimize, or tolerate what has come to pass.
THE DEEP DARK HOLE
Have you ever felt trapped inside your own body? I have, well I mean I do. I have suffered with this unbalanced lifestyle since I was maybe twelve or thirteen, maybe even before then just at that age it was my first time ever seeing a doctor for any sort of mental issues. Then it was severe on a different level I used to cut myself. I mean I didn't want to die I just did it. Years later I found out that cutting had something to do with control. By the time I was in high school that phase of my life was over and I know was noticing other unhealthy behavior's. I was barely ever in a classroom, I was engaging in a lot of risky sex. I was experiencing my high's and my low's at this point. I began smoking cigars (black and mild's) that quickly led to Mary jane. I was extremely excessive with my smoking. You know we learned long time ago that weed was the gateway drug. Nobody cared to listen we would say I'm never going to do anything else but smoke weed. when things were good with me mentally I would go to school, get along with my mother, and so many other good things. I would take baths, brush my teeth, comb my hair, wash my clothes. the way I felt on the inside would show severely on the outside. I soon realized that if i did not buckle down i would not graduate from high school. This only came to realization after being classified as a ninth grader for three years, My principal at the time meeting with my mother telling her I was not in the district to attend his school and that he wouldn't if I was applying myself and contributing to the school grade. Well of course I was not doing that my grades and behavior at that time was academically hurting my school. Now three years into high school with the same friends I went to middle school with second semester of what should have been my junior year I switched schools. We all know that was a tragedy for me. So there I was starting this new school where I knew no one. My new guidance counselor was some sort of prejudice, she expressed to me and my mom looking at my 3 years of taking the same 9th grade FCAT test she was surprised with my reading comprehension and writing skills, because I came from a predominantly black school. That didn't feel great at all, new school, no friends and my bias counselor. With only a year and half left of school the rest of that junior year I quickly met a few girls just like and one guy. That was my crew. We skipped most days, looked out for one another, kept each other safe. My home life was spiraling because of my then 2 years in 14 year old stepbrother. We were treated different I would get punished whenever i was caught doing something wrong. He got away with murder. I was living on edge skipping school going to get drunk and high, started taking ex pills, was already in a 2nd relationship with a guy six years older than me. Sneaking out at night, sneaking boys or shall I say men into my mom's home. Smoking in the house just on a frenzy of doing all the wrong things. By this time I was also considered a habitual run away in my county. I was constantly running away. I knew something was wrong with me because I'm a only child I was spoiled rotten my family loved me. Nothing really triggered these behaviors. I would just spaz out and up and leave like I was an adult. Thank god that in my senior year I got a offer from my school for kids like me. i would do virtual school in the day which was catching up 3 years in one year and at night I would attend my high school for my senior year work. I would fall off the band wagon sometimes and not even go to night school. Or miss so many assignments in virtual I'm literally swamped in school work. All in all I overcame I did it caught up 3 years in one year while at the same time doing the 4th year. I did 4 years of high school in one year graduated on time and walked the stage with my class. I cried walking that stage getting my diploma. I couldn't believe that I had done it myself, but I did. All was on my mind was I am free, I am an adult now. I graduated high school may 18 2009, at 17 years old. I am now 29 years old and this adult life journey has put me through me far worse ups and downs and now they were much more noticeable. extremely worse than before, as I sit here and type this right now my depression is extremely severe. I do not leave the house unless absolutely necessary. A lot of things i want to do with myself that I know I can do and succeed I just cant. I feel trapped inside my body. I have so many thoughts of going places and doing things but something just keeps me stuck inside for a complete year now... I will come back another day and tell you guys about that.. thank you for being great listeners. Until next time... (notice the way I write is how our conversation would go).. (sporadic) I hope you guys grab my concept.. This all facts of my journey with depression starting from first diagnosis. If you want more of it don't be afraid to show me you wanna hear from me.e3
By Alexandria White5 years ago in Psyche
The Problem(s) With Grief and Loss
So here we are at part 4 of the series on suffering, and, although I had planned on publishing articles on one or two other subjects on the matter prior to this one, I can't help but reflect (currently sitting in my therapy office) on grief and loss and the way it has made its way into my conversations with the clients I see, whether that was the reason they came to see me or not.
By Alicia Summers5 years ago in Psyche
Living With Depression
Everyone knows that depression is a lifelong "disease". Everyone also knows that there's a stigma behind depression as well. I'm essentially here to tell you how I've been dealing with it and how I'm able to still maintain a normal lifestyle. Growing up I was always very shy and introverted. I had a small group of friends and we were all the same: quiet, shy and smart. However, I was the only one who was bullied relentlessly in school. For one reason only: BECAUSE OF THE WAY I LOOKED. Of course when you're a child you don't see anything wrong with the way you look until others point it out. from literally first grade up until high school I was bullied simply because of the way that I looked. I was a little short and pretty thin. Also I wore glasses and needed braces. My family couldn't afford to pu for braces so I was essentially the short, skinny girl with glasses, who had crooked teeth. For years I was bullied verbally and physically by a group of girls. Constantly hearing all the negative things about the way that I looked lowered my self-esteem until I had no self-esteem at all. Which in turn, made me isolate myself from the world. I wouldn't hang out with family or friends and stayed in my room. I was pretty moody. (Still kinda moody too lol). It got to a point when I was in high school that I started self harming and contemplating suicide. I genuinely felt like my family would be better off not having to worry about me anymore if I was no longer here and I could finally be at peace. However, when my family found out about these things I was put into a mental institution twice for teenagers who dealt with things like anxiety and depression. The first time I was at the institution I didn't really want to learn or better myself so it was pointless. But the second time I actually put forth an effort to better myself and stay on my medication and talk about my problems and channel all my negative energy into doing what I love which is reading, writing, and singing. Fast forward to now at 26 years old. Yes I still deal with depression. Yes I still have moments when I don't have energy to do the things that I love. But I don't let it define me. I found a few ways to help me build up my self-esteem and just make myself feel good even if it's just for the day. For example, listening to K-pop music makes me happy so when I'm feeling down I just listen to music and sing along. Also, even if I don't have any plans for the day I still fix my hair and dress nicely just so that when I walk past a mirror in my home I can look at myself and tell myself that I am beautiful. I've also started working out this year and that takes my mind off of a lot of the depression that I'm sometimes feeling. Sometimes I'll just cook a nice meal for dinner even though I live alone and I sit in front of the TV and watch a good movie and that helps me as well. It's the little things that can change your day. Whether you like to write, sing, draw or cook. Taking time out of your day to do something that you like to do even when you don't have the energy definitely helps. Even if you aren't an avid writer, writing down how you're feeling when you're feeling both bad and good helps because you can express how you feel and then close your journal and essentially close the door on those emotions and go do something positive. It's not going to be easy and it is something you'll have to deal with for your entire life. Depression doesn't just go away with medication but it does help you IF that's the route you choose to go down. I'm not exactly sure how to end this so I will just say this one last thing: you are not alone. There are people who are willing to listen to your problems and give advice if you want it or just be there so you can vent to them. You don't have to deal with all your problems by yourself. You are NOT a burden even if it sometimes feel that way. Even if you don't want to immediately seek help from a professional and be put on medication and have the stigma surrounding you. You can always just start by trying to do little things here and there every day to make yourself happier and should be at peace. I'm still dealing with depression and I follow the advice that I give. I'm living proof that it works. Things will get better.
By Kadeejah Franklin5 years ago in Psyche
Awareness
I am at this stage in life where I am struggling to define who, and what for that matter, I am. I know I am all the basic things that you think of when asked to define yourself. I am a daughter of Shirley and James, I am the mother of Scarlett and Noah, I am the sister of Michael, I am the girlfriend to Tripp, and a friend to many. The list goes on. Those only define my relationships though, not ME. I know I can define myself by what I look like. I am short at only five foot tall. I have dyed red hair although my natural color is black as the night. Most people would call my eyes brown but, in the light, they are mostly green. I have a good bit of random tattoos that go from the side of my head to my ankles. I have scars, so many scars. I could go on describing every inch of me in detail, but that is not really me. At one point I was six pounds, with fresh skin and dark hair and eyes and that was still me. My body is everchanging, growing, expanding (sometimes in ways I don’t care for), taking beatings and eventually breaking. It does not define me.
By Megan Traina5 years ago in Psyche
Being Here
I don’t know when I first started having suicidal ideation, but I know that it’s been a part of my conscious thinking for over half of my life. I’ve had times where I was really terrified and somewhat relieved to think that I was going to be a suicide. I still struggle with it today, but it is much easier for me. After years of traditional and alternative therapy, I have found new ways to cope with my suicidal ideation. Here are just a few:
By Carley Juel Stanley5 years ago in Psyche
Growing from Grieving 101: A Zen Transformation
It’s sunny and 66 outside. My skin is hot and cold all at once. I can feel the anxiety coming on, and I don’t know what to do. If it hits me full force, it’ll paralyze me, and I have so much to do. So much to do. So much to do. I cradle my legs on my bed, feeling suffocated.
By Greta Luns5 years ago in Psyche
Imprisoned
Imprisoned in my own spacious, vibrant and cotton-candy colored apartment room. Unable to feel the freshness of nature and touch the wind with my nose and face. I’m longing to hug my family, embrace my beloved friends, fly freely as an eagle, and become an “unmasked” woman. I crave the sound of people, the calmness of the library, the cool touch of nature, and the joys of liberation. Lockdown is like prison, in your home instead of a dark and ominous reformatory.
By Talia Devora5 years ago in Psyche
Animal behavior
Our brain is an ocean of data. We store a lot of data throughout our life. It is assumed that those data passes from generations to generations. So remember what you’re doing now is going to have a great impact afterwards. Think about those most common things we found out on our own. This shows the strong processing power of human brain. Enough with humans, we can normalize all the craziness by actually communicating. It’s a shame to use the word actual communication while being guarded with emotions in the front lobe though. What about the inter-species communication. Since we share same home with them and they have an important role in balancing the environment, isn’t it necessary to have a close communicating capability with them?
By Subash Poudel5 years ago in Psyche
A Year Later
If you said to me this time last year that I'd be in a happier place with myself, I'd have called you a liar and laughed in your face. But, to my surprise, I'm not laughing. I'm not! In fact, I thank the universe for stopping me from trying to end my own life and convincing me in its own way to keep living. Because of the universe, I went against my original plan, and I am still here.
By Starlightify5 years ago in Psyche
